Friday, February 3, 2012
Relationship is like a Flower
Love is like a flower if you take of care a relationship that you built with each other and never stop protecting the love that you have with each other no matter how hard to protect it, never try to stop because in the end of the day the flower will bloom and show its beauty and makes your world more colorful and happy. But if you don't take care of a relationship that you have just like a flower it will die and loss it's color and all of the love and effort that you give is all useless because you let it die and never take care of what relationship that you have. Building a relationship is like planting a flower it depends on how you take care of of it.
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The analogy began well but your explanation of the similarities between the two subjects shows more of the similarities between life and nurturing a flower. For example, if you really want to show the similarities between life and a flower, you will have to point out the characteristics of a flower like it is fragrant, it's beautiful and it is delicate.
ReplyDeleteGrammar points:
- if you take of care [if you take care of]
- in the end of the day [at the end of the day]
- loss it's color [lose its color]
Rating:
1. Content - 4/10
2. Organization - 4/10
3. Diction - 3/5
4. Grammar/
Spelling/Mechanics - 5/10
5. Legibility -3/5
TOTAL - 19/40
Comments:
ReplyDelete1. The first and second sentences are too long to digest. There were too many ideas discussed in these sentences.
2. Please take note of the following:
- But if you don’t take care of a relationship that you have just like a flower it will die and loss it’s color and all of the love and effort that you give is all useless because you let it die = But if you don’t take care of a relationship, just like a flower, it will die and lose its color. All the efforts you have exerted will be put into waste.
Ratings:
Content – 5/10
Organization – 4/10
Diction – 3/5
Grammar/Spelling/ Mechanics – 5/10
Legibility – 3/5
Total: 20/40